Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Please don't delete my blog Kapil Ji

Now that Kapil Sabil Ji (yes, can’t miss that Ji lest he gets offended) wants to regulate all the traffic on the social media following some ‘objectionable’ updates about Manmohan Ji and Sonia Ji and other G’s (2G and CWG included). So , in case Sibal Ji really has his way with this and as he demands that content should be monitored manually and screened even before they are published, let’s have a look how the scenario might turn out to be.

Fabio has been assigned to review consent on Facebook and Tutu on Twitter of a particular number of users. There is also one Gugu for Google+ in the same room with them. As per requirements, all of these Content Monitors have great cyber crime records to their names and hence no one can recognize 'objectionable' content  better than these guys. Read along…

Fabio: Hi Tutu. Wassup man? You look lost!

Tutu: (just breaking a yawn half-way) Fabio yaar. I just hate waking up so early. If it were not a Govt job I wouldn’t have given a damn. But you know how my girlfriend’s parents are vying for one sarkari naukri wala.

Fabio: Ahh another of those stories…let's get to work dude. Morning shift starts at 5:30. Its already 5:45. We will be screwed if someone posts an OC!!

Tutu: OC meant Officers’ Choice to me a few days back.Now its Objectionable Content. Sigh….Okay!!

(both log in to their softwares specially designed to view posts coming in from the set of users they are assigned to, Fabio on Facebook and Tutu on Twitter. Meanwhile Gugu enters and sits at his desk)

Gugu: Hii guys, busy already? Huh.  I have a perfect Govt. job you see. Get paid for just sitting at a desk.

Tutu:Oh yeah,you keep forgetting that’s why you get paid less

Gugu: Who cares! (Logs in and after a few moments of clicking he plugs in his I-pod's earphones and dozes off)

Fabio: Ohh shit!! I told you. While you were lamenting this guy from Delhi posted a pic. Looks like its Doctor saab dancing with Madam Ji. You think it’s allowed?

Tutu: Hell No, look at their clothes. Doctor saab has a six pack and Madam Ji is dressed in a scorching red gown with a leg-slit. High risk content. Remove it now!!

Fabio: Done already. Phew!! Wonder if someday we might have a PM who really has a six pack.

Tutu:(chuckles) Guess Arnold Schwarzenegger had one when  he became the Governor of California. Hey look at this.This girl just shared a pic showing Baba Ramdev proposing Rakhi Sawant !!

Fabio: Don’t dare touch it. We have special instructions from Digvijay Sir to in fact to promote such content. It’s a Promotable Content

Tutu: One more PC after Personal Computers, Priyanka Chopra and P Chid…

Gugu breaks out into a thunderous laughter suddenly, prompting Fabio and Tutu to jump in their seats

Fabio: You scared us man!!

Gugu: Dude, dude….you can’t miss this joke that my girlfriend SMSed me just now. A one word joke! Can you believe it?!!

Tutu: What is it?

Gugu: Ha ha…she says ‘busy?” Ha ha Ha ha Ho Ho (He clutches his tummy and goes around the room stamping his feet as if it were the joke of the century)

Fabio: Frustrated guy!! Let’s get back to work Tutu

Tutu: Yeah Yeah

(Gugu gives a disgusted look at his two colleagues,scratches his beard and  settles back in his seat, putting in the earphones once again)

Fabio: Getting lots of posts in support of Anna’s movement. Too many of them!

Tutu: Run a search with the name Anna Hazare and delete them all. The bosses are already furious over his support for slaps and comments drawing claps.

Fabio: That one did rhyme well (grins)

Meanwhile, Gugu got busy for a while when he saw a post saying “The govt. can’t curb the freedom of social media”. He waited to see if it got any comments and then deleted it and went back to playing air-guitar

Tutu: Damn, now what about these celebrities? How can I delete the tweet of an Amitabh Bachchan ??

Fabio: Dude, Twitter guy can’t avoid celebrity shit !! Just check for their past record with the bosses. If they are in the latter’s good books then call up the bosses for guidance or else delete the post and in place of it display the message ‘Awaiting approval”. Neither the celebrities nor the bosses would get offended in that way

Tutu: Great! Seems like you have read the rule-book quite well (grins)

Fabio: Of course, finally I have a job other than checking out the profiles of girls.So, got to be this bit sincere man.

Just then Tutu receives an SMS from his friend Bogo who is reviewing a chunk of the blogs on Blogger. It read::

       “We are screwed here man. These bloggers are posting frantically and that too long ones. Till I start guessing if its an OC, 10 other such posts come up. The Wordpress guy has already gone to visit an eye specialist and mine are red as tomatoes”

Tutu forwards the SMS to Fabio and Gugu and they all share blank looks at each other... 

Image courtesy:Satish Acharya

I am scared....really scared as I type this post though I have tried to be as much respectful to the great leaders as possible. May be I won't be able to see my dear blog the very next day as it might be pulled up for Objectionable Content and deleted!!

Do we really need this? 

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  1. hahaha....cnt stop laughing aftr reading dis one...gr8 job buddy :D funny n sarcastic at d same tym

  2. All this fuss around ...reminds me of the movie 'V for Vendetta' ... u cnt offend ur ruling body :|

  3. @Mrinalini: well that's what it was intended to be. Thanks :)

    @Abhro: I haven't seen that movie but the tagline as you mentioned suits this case perfectly. It very much promotes the notion of a pseudo-democracy in our country

  4. If the government is so keen to to protect us from offensive content they should ban the live telecast of Lok Sabha proceedings.

    Then Tutu, Gugu and Fabio can spend the rest of their lives in a hammock in Maldives :)

  5. very well expressed pro!!... if dese social sites r put 2 censorship by our good old UPA govt., den all dese thngs r bound 2 happen in near future.......

  6. Hello Pro.
    Nice way to start my day with a few laughs. You have a great sense of humor! On a serious note though, I think in some parts of the world internet content & use is censored.

    Seen as you like a lot of humor, I thought you might like to check out The Purple Treehouse. It's a place to post funny stuff once a month on the first Friday of the month. It's open for 9 days, so you just have enough time to make it for December. Their link is here... Great way to share & grow your following.

    Thanks for your recent visit. I do write other things besides romance, but you must realize by now I'm a love man...I exist in the image of love. The world is full of too much sadness already & craves love & romance. I just give them want they want. You should try it works! (smile)

    For ref:
    Eleven Roses And You

  7. @Purba: Quite an idea but you know if they stop showing the mud-slinging they do at each other how will they garner their political Oxygen, i.e. VOTES? So let's not rob Gugu,Tutu and Fabio of their jobs :P

    @Ishita: even worse things might happen. Thanks

  8. @Andy: I am glad that I could give you some laughs at the start of your long and busy day. And those parts where Internet content is censored are really not places favorable for growth of humanity.

    Thanks a lot for your support. I shall visit that link right now :):)

  9. hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
    I am so glad I read this. Made me day. I cannot comment more..bahut has liya!

  10. @Red Handed: First of all,quite a name you have. And I am glad I could make YOU a day. LOL. I can feel the vibes of your laughter till her you see.

    @Of Prisms and Lives: Sibal Ji is gonna get to your laughed off ass. Beware!!:D

  11. great take ...

    glad to see you share.

  12. hohohohoh..lovely post..kept laughing all the time...this stupid govt has given us enough reasons to write such stuff... kapil sibal and team are behaving like headless chickens all the time.

  13. @Morning : Good morning!! I am glad you liked it. Thanks and keep visiting :)

    @Ravindra: Exactly! And I would rather choose to laugh at their display of frustration from time to time. Thanks for the visit and comment :)

  14. ha ha ...looks like Kapil Ji has condescended to your prayers! Btw, a few people visited my blog in search of "Kapil Sibal offending pictures."


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